Remember Tang?

Don't worry, it still exists and can be found in great abundance at the Doha, Qatar airport.

Which reminds me...  I'm on my way home for the holidays!  Yippee!

The blog will be on hold for a few weeks.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Time for a happy thought!

There's been an abundance of WTH posts lately.  Can you tell I'm oh-so-ready for a little holiday break back to the States?
Well, today I have a happy flowery post for you.

It seems that when (wealthy) Jakartans get married everyone who knows them sends what I call a flower board.  I haven't had the chance to ask an Indonesian about this yet, so I really don't have much info for you. Other than the fact that whenever there is a wedding at the Kempinksi, the sidewalks are completely filled with colorful styrofoam boards that say "Happy Wedding" in flowers.  Which makes my morning walk to work exponentially more scenic, fragrant, and pleasant than usual.

There will be hundreds of these when setup is complete.
Happy Wedding!

Eat This: Boxed Lunches

At every offsite meeting, and I mean EVERY offsite meeting, we are presented with boxed lunches.  Even if it is not lunch time. We will always receive some kind of box filled with supposedly edible items.

I didn't mind this so much in the beginning, before I understood the evil that Indonesian food can hold, particularly since many of my meetings were in large group settings where no one would notice if I didn't consume every last little nugget of goodness.

However, things got progressively worse.  I learned just what a box of ill-prepared room temperature meat could do to a person. Furthermore, I started having smaller, more intimate meetings.  Where there might only be four or five of us at the table.  And I couldn't just not eat.  I couldn't be the asshole American who defies protocol and manners and refuses to eat the food that has been generously provided.

Thus began my intense fear and loathing of the boxed lunch. A daily peril of expat life in Jakarta.

I do not return the love, nasty boxed lunch.

WTH: Winter Woolies

The upside of being stuck in bed for a month with gastrointestinal affliction is weight loss.  I may have been too weak to walk the equivalent of 2 blocks to my office, but I suddenly looked awesome in a bikini.  The downside is that suddenly none of my pants fit.  Happily, even once I started feeling healthy again, a good bit of weight stayed off, which meant I needed to go shopping. It's hot here. Hot as in 80s or 90s every day, so I wanted some new lightweight pants, possibly capris, you know, pants that you wear in summer.

Unfortunately, all of the fancy globalized shopping malls that surround me in this upscale commercial corner of Jakarta happen to think it is winter.  Every store is filled with winter items.  Heavy, insufferable fabrics for this climate.  Long sleeves. Long legs. Layers. Thick denim. Wool. Down.  Whatever is on display at Banana Republic in blustery cold NY or London right now is on display here as well.  I don't understand it.  Who the hell buys this?

Obviously some Jakartans.  They must have an entirely different system of body temperature regulation. I actually see people walking around outside with winter clothes on.  It's the rainy season, people.  It's not going to snow. I still need air conditioning. It's like, maybe 5 degrees cooler than the rest of the sweltering year.  It is impossible (at least for me) to wear any of this in this environment.  Yet every single store has out their winter displays.

Every.single.store.

Break out your puffies! It's only 87 today!

Eat This: Another New Theme

Yesterday's post inspired the creation of an entirely new theme, "Eat This", which has been a long time coming.

Have you ever encountered an Indonesian restaurant in the States?  I challenge you to find one.  Even in DC.  I have it on good authority from an Indonesia who recently returned- There is not a single Indonesian restaurant in DC.  Why? Well, I won't pretend to be an authority on market forces.  But I suspect just perhaps that it might have something to do with the extent to which those of us who are not Indonesian find Indonesian food delightful.

Setting aside issues of taste, texture, and appearance, which I must admit are not aways completely unbearable, I have developed, thanks to getting sick on countless occasions during my first few months here,  an intense fear of food in Indonesia.   Am I just a paranoid hypochondriac?  Authorities say no.

Here's a few quotes:
Lonely Planet: "Never drink tap water." "Avoid ice." "Avoid fresh juices."
Everyday Indonesian: "Intermittent bouts of indigestion or mild diarrhea are to be expected... More serious, however, are intestinal parasites that can be picked up from food and utensils that are not hygienically handled." "Avoid all uncooked foods, including salads and garnishes."
Passport Health: "Always choose food that has been thoroughly cooked and is served hot, since heat destroys most contaminating bacteria." "Avoid raw foods, shellfish, pre-peeled fruit, and salad."
My new Indonesian doctor: "Here, take these four different types of pills and call me if your symptoms don't improve."

So, there you have it.  Now that you have a better understanding of the ominous nature of  sustenance for me here,   I will begin sharing some of the many culinary delights I encounter along the way.

I had the pleasure of enjoying this at a recent meeting.
Gado Gado, an Indonesian favorite.
Luke warm chunky brown sauce over raw vegetables.
Thank you!  Just what my intestines were craving!

WTH: Canned Sweat

Nothing seems more refreshing after a long, hard, hot, sweaty workout than a nice cold can of SWEAT! Wait, what??? Gross!

This stuff is everywhere.  It's like the Gatorade of Indonesia.  I can't entirely fault Indonesia, however, as apparently Japanese are the creators and ingenious marketers of this thirst quenching delight.

Refreshing!

WTH: Plastic Wrapped Chairs

Shortly after I arrived, I attended a meeting at another office and was surprised to see the room filled with office chairs covered in plastic, as though they had just been taken out of the box.  It seemed a little odd that we were sitting in them, since normally one would remove the plastic on something before initial use.

Two weeks later I returned and the chairs were still wrapped in plastic.  I have since been to four different places where I have observed office chairs with the plastic still on.  Are these people immune to swamp ass??

After my initial torturous month here in a moldy long-stay hotel, I finally moved into a real apartment.  The landlord informed me he'd be providing me with new chairs for my balcony.  Yay. I came home to find two hard plastic patio chairs....plastic patio chairs... wrapped in plastic.  Furthermore, each piece of the chair - legs, seat, back, feet - had been wrapped individually in plastic. Before assembly.  So it was nearly impossible to cut out the plastic in the seams and joints of the legs and seat.
Why do you need to wrap a plastic chair in plastic???

Want to sit in this for 8 hours?

Partially deplastified balcony chair.
I ran out of patience by the time I got to this leg.